I was raised in an alcoholic home.  My father was not physically abusive, but for reasons that my mind will not give up, at age 5 I was afraid to go to sleep without having a butcher knife under my pillow.  I remember asking my mother every night if daddy was coming home and every night she said yes.  I know we moved into the house I was raised in when I was 4.  Some time after we moved in and before my fear at age 5, my mother had a nervous breakdown and shock treatments.  I do not know the reasons for her illness nor do I know the results in the household except what I have described.

At age twelve I was sexually molested by a priest.  This set me on a course of trying to find out who I was sexually.  It was not until I was 47 that I told my mother.  She knew about the priest because of a kid in the parish who told his parents, but said she had no idea I had been molested although I stayed over at his house the nights I was to be his altar boy the next morning.  He was a chaplin at the local hospital and said an early mass for the nuns.  My father passed away 19 years earlier and as far as I know he did not know.  I cannot tell you why I did not tell anyone.  I suppose it was probably a matter of fear, trust, self-esteem, self worth, and all the other issues of a dysfunctional home.  It was not until I was 56 that I realized I had been the victim of a pedophile.

By age 15 I was out of control, arrested, and ended up with a felony record that hung around my neck for 30 years.  I had no respect for any authority.  I was passed from grade to grade like a bad apple until my senior year in high school when I came head to head with a bookkeeping teacher who would not allow me to graduate until I made up all of my homework assignments.  She made me come to her classroom 6 hours a day for a week after school was out for the year.  One day she got so angry at me that she stomped her feet and with a red face told me I would never be a bookkeeper to which I replied I didn't want to be one.  I came to realize years later that her outburst was from a caring heart and that she was the only teacher, that I can recall, that cared enough to confront me.  I walked across the stage and accepted my diploma with a grade average of D-.  I told her 20 years later at a funeral of a friend that her caring lit a fire in me and I did become a bookkeeper, an accountant, a business manager, an auditor, an insurance agent, and a financial planner. 

Now to most people that would sound like a fantastic success, but I know now that it was all based on years of performance to feed my low self-esteem and self worth.  I went through four divorces and three severe bouts of depression before I realized I had suppressed a tremendous amount of anger and unforgiveness.  In 1998 at the age 56 I was homeless and bankrupt.  It is only by the grace of God that I did not take my life or someone else’s.  Although I started attending ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meetings in 1988, my real recovery did not start until I became homeless.  I entered a men's shelter and started going to therapy.  Six months later I took a position as a supervisor.  It was during the next six years while helping others that I helped myself.  

I began to realize that, although I was not an alcoholic or drug addict, I had all the characteristics of both.  I was a workaholic and I had all the personality defects.  I saw my reflection in man after man and can only thank God that I did not end up in prison or deep in an addiction. 

This website is a product of my life experience.  I have a desire to help others find the valuable person within himself or herself.  I know how difficult that is to do, but I know it is possible albeit I am still in the process of finding him in me.  I have been a Christian since 1970, but I have spent most of that time being angry with God.  I am working on the anger I have never processed today and will be for a long time to come.  I am learning that I do not have to perform for God or anyone else. 

Behind the links at the top of this page are things I have learned and applied that have made tremendous differences in my life.  I have attended the University of Hard Knocks, as have you.  We both know that it is the toughest school, but it teaches lessons we never forget.  In the 14 years I have gone to school I have been taught to study the lesson and then take the test to see what I have learned.  In the U of HK I always got the test and then learned the lesson.  I have been in this school for 64 years (2006) and I'm still working on my diploma. 

I would like to say I married a wonderful friend of 20 years on April 22, 2005.  We spent 6 years dating before we married.  I have 3 step daughters, a step son, and 10 step grandchildren, all who treat me like a king, plus 2 sons and 3 grandchildren of my own.  I am indeed a very rich man where it really counts.

God is a fantastic and awesome God who loves unconditionally.  Sharing this with you is not easy, but the Lord has told me to share all I have learned.  I hope it helps you cope with whatever pain you may be going through.

Take all you want from this site and contact me if you would like to communicate.