When I was in treatment some years back, I had a terrible time grasping the difference between responding and reacting.  I asked a counselor to explain it to me in such a way I could grasp the difference.  She gave me this life changing illustration.

"If you were in your garden weeding and a mosquito landed on your hand and bit you, you would probably slap it and kill it.  This would solve your problem but now you have a squashed bug on your hand and blood smeared.  This is a reaction.  However, if you were to take time to look at it and think about your options:

"        You could wave your hand causing it to fly away.

"        You could flick it with your finger, killing it but not making a mess on your hand.

"        You could wave it off and put on a pair of gloves to prevent it from biting you again.

"        You could do what I described in the beginning.

"        You could ignore it.

This would be responding."

I find I have caused most of my problems by reacting instead of responding.  When I respond there may still be a problem but if I have done my best to resolve the situation responsibly I can detach and let the other party deal with their reaction or response.